EROTIC FUNNY POETRY

POEM 1:

I ejaculated just now inside of you.
Oops. I'm sorry.
Can I get you a towel?
Or a Plan B pill?
Thanks for the 7 minutes of fun.
Haha, now we're parents.
I'm glad we bonded over our hatred of all politicians.
While intoxicated.
Also, I'm not wealthy at all.
Fight the Power!

POEM 2:

Spread Eagle.
Doggystyle.
Fuck like Rabbits.
Hung like a Horse.
Fuck like Animals.


Nah, most are an Amoeba.
Asexual beings.

POEM 3:

I need fucking
Love
In my life.
The End.

POEM 4:

Turn down the lights,
Turn on the music.
Turn off the oven,
You'll start a fire
In the kitchen that way.
My heart is pumping,
Because alarms are going off,
I should exit the building.

Trust in

A man, beaten by the old republic, and his ego

His skin color is of chocolate tones, with callused fingers.

He's in his 60s or so

Wearing dark shades in the early evening

With a white baseball cap with no logo, and a burly mustache

He wears a sweater and sits at the front of the bus

It's 80 degrees today

He talks loudly. A little too loudly

I am sitting in the middle section of the bus, trying to read

He's so loud I cannot pay attention to my fiction

So today I will listen to someone's reality

He yells out in conversation to a woman who does not care

He recently retired out of the union

He did construction

He carried Sheetrock

He carried bricks

So now his body has paid for it

She still does not care, but nods in hopes of him shutting the hell up

His legs no longer work the way they used to

He's in pain, only when he walks, he jokes

The problem with life

The problem in every country

See, 20 dollars is nothing, he explains

It's inflation

Inflation is the problem

Someone get this man a drink

You see, he says, it's me

I take the bus

For fun, kind of

One really gets to know their city using public transport

I spend my day rubbing shoulders with gays, lesbians, transphobes, and the Jews

The young, the old, the rich, the poor - regular folk

The blacks, the whites, the Asians, the angry women and men

Atheists, Agnostics, Jesus freaks, and raging wannabe politicians

They feel I am one of them somehow

And I am, kind of

If not a phony one, an honorary one

I accept them for who they are and I hope they accept me

It's an unwritten statement until now

Trust in me

I'll do my best

Deso Iso

I wish for more fires

Sometimes to burn

Sometimes to inspire

The heat is what I crave today

And for tonight

Warmth is what I need

Forever is my grasp

The body doesn't like when fire

Is not inside

Without it

I'm desolate and isolated

With it

I'm mixed all into ball of energy and fury

Creating and destroying in my path

Roaring, never wanting to be captive

Or captivated

Like the hearts of all lovers

Except when it finally does happen

And everything is alright

Te Amo Horchata

 Horchata

So much

Rice

So much

Vanilla

What goes good with horchata?

It's tacos

it's burros

Also known as burritos

What goes good with tacos and burros?

It's red sauce

It's green sauce

It's orange sauce too

And more tacos

Horchata

Is numero uno

It's my favorite drink

Tied with cerveza

Te amo horchata

Horchata

Mythical [Make a Dragon Your Way]

Take an ordinary lizard into your care. 

Personally, I find orange lizard hues to work best and make the best dragon.

Any lizard you find will do the trick though: Green, brown, camouflage, orange.

Take the ordinary lizard and feed it with enlarging potions daily.

• 1 1/2 ounces of Star of Anise, crushed and fermented with a half liter of vinegar and 5 spoons of blackened Pink Himalayan salt. I find these in the Mediterranean section of most grocery stores. If you cannot find it, there is always the local mom 'n' pop online alchemy shops available to purchase from.
• A full bucket of whale blubber; sift and rinse thrice.
• 10 dozen drops lemon essence (or if not available use 1/2 a bushel of lemon zest).
• 4 cups guacamole, organic.
• A giant pinch of red chili powder. Be careful of using too much here. You want your dragon to breathe fire onto enemies, not to get indigestion!
• 20 cloves garlic if you believe vampire dragons to be making a comeback anytime soon.
• 1 pint of human virgin blood. This counters the acid in the garlic.
• 2 legs of lamb - still hairy and hooved.
• 4 bay leaves.

Take all dry ingredients and give the lizard a bath in it with the sunlight fading into the moonlight. If the sun and the moon are visible at the same time, you may do it only once that day. Do not proceed during an eclipse. Give the lizard any of the listed liquids throughout the duration. 

After approximately 26 days and 27 nights, the lizard is now large enough to qualify as 'dragon-sized'. You may now proceed with the rest of the spell.

Do not use shampoo to clean the skin. A lot of folks don't realize that evolving lizards/young dragons are naturally oily and they need it for their scales to shed properly. You may use a light conditioner weekly, if desired. Nothing coconut scented.

Rub an officially recognized beard and balm oil (again nothing coconut scented!) into the scalp of the lizard daily to keep them fresh and smelling good. 

Once their wings start growing, your work is done. Check in regularly to make sure their nails are smoothed out, but generally everything they do is now self-cleaning. Remember to speak in soft tones and never get them mad.

Congratulations! You've made a dragon from scratch. 

Essence

Of everything

Life-giving

The major components of being

What will it be... when we're fully machines?

Water, rain, oceans

In 2030

Might not be a necessity

I don't know

I wish I did

For the sake of humanity

I wish I did

01100100

01100101

01101110

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Metalled Wood

We used paper and metals as currency

When the System thought it was backed by precious metals and such nonsense

All is precious

Back to paper

It's thin wood

Lots of paper is thick wood

Why not just hand me over a branch as payment?

Same fucking difference

It's all baloney anyway

Meant to persuade us to idolize the System

And not like the most precious thing we have

OURSELVES

Value the people

Value life, especially your own

Take care of yourself first then buy the fancy mirror for your future apartment rental

Nobody needs paper money anymore

Except the Drug Dealers

Politicians and Mobsters

People cheating on their taxes

Of course the taxes cheated them first so

I guess it's a draw.

Matches

Swipe right on me

On my app on my phone

I'm acting like I'm not lonely

On my app on my phone

Swipe right on me

On my app on my phone

I act rich and show off big muscles

On my app on my phone

Please match with me

On my app on my phone

So I won't cry in my bed tonight.

Short Long

No pretense

I do it

I, which thrive in chaos

I, that, control chaos

Daily

I take my time

I don't need to be the world's greatest poet

All I need is to be me

My self-care is not paying attention to others

Not caring for what they do

They can all fight for trivial awards

I can use those plaques for kindling

There is no need to push

It takes too much brain power

Everything should be free

Everything should come naturally

Shelter, food, water

Stability, love, happiness

Safety, hope, peace

Free, free, free

I'll still work for a big screen TV though

I do like my home entertainment to be legendary.

in the beginning and in the middle

It used to be sex I wanted, and oddly enough

Sex brought me into my middle life

And with it what I actually needed

Which is to complete my role in life 

To be a good father to my daughter

I am a creature of habit

I used to go after orgasms

But now I go for being the right example

As a father should

It makes me smile

Knowing that the sex her mother and I had was fun

That it brought us so much joy

That it brought us something even more joyous

In our everyday way of life

My kin

Her kin

Our kin 

My everything now

Which is her everything now as well

Our daughter is funnier than me

I'm okay with it 

It's so weird to connect the two but that's

Just how it is

It's a simple connection

Of a complex connection

Two adults created a child

Love and intense passion brought

Another being into the everyday

Someone that continues and continues

To bring joy in our every way

Just by being the adventurer she is at 3 years old

Every time I say something or ask my daughter a question

I know what I'm doing - at least, kind of

I'm teaching her mass critical thinking

Even more of an ironic deal I've been given

Is that when she experiences new things

It gives her joy

Which seeing her do that is also a new experience

For me

Thanks to Mother for creating her

And for loving me when she does. 

I will always protect our daughter

Teach her to protect her community

Maybe our species will thrive. 

Post Modern Economy

I'm seeing landscaping people work in between the rain today

It used to be they'd take the day off and spend it with their families

I'm back in writing mode

Remembering the old ways of our American lifestyle

I forgot how much more quiet it is in my head

While outside my city it's rumbling with fire and anger

From the generally humbled population

Of lesser-known writers and other artists

Labor trends in entertainment

We all work harder and longer

We made it - A Post Modern Economy

While the city is rumbling with fire and anger inside of it

This time it's because of the time

Politics season

So now the people all of a sudden have an opinion

I, of course, am happy with an appetite of a woman's loving embrace

As we enjoy our red wine at the end of the night

Watching from a distance

The yelling man on Santa Monica Boulevard wearing a bra

His insides burn with fire and anger inside of him

If only anyone could understand why he yells at the top of his lungs

In front of the 7-11

While Duran Duran plays on our speakers

"Hold on a minute", I say as I put on my slippers

I grab $10 in cash - the last freedom we have is paper

The yelling man sees me walking up in pajamas

The fire in his eyes cannot be controlled

He begins his salutations to me by screaming in my face

But unknown to him, I can take a punch

I stare him down until he calms like a puppy for just a moment

That's not why I'm here so I bring the cash out

"This is for you," as I wave the money in his face

Without even a blink of his eye, he grabs it

And runs off into the depths of the neighborhood behind us

I go back home and enjoy the quiet of the night once more

At least until a new political season begins or ends.

Perception of Advice to No Avail

I'm incredibly creative. I make things out of nothing.

Sometimes I get paid.

I met an agent. He told me he didn’t like my given name. 

Said I should shorten it. Make it more “accessible”. 

I told him I would think about it. 

He’d keep coming up with new names for me, to see if I’d bite. 

Again and again I told him I liked who I was and who I am becoming.

He gave up and we moved on.

I brought a new project to him.

He said it was wonderful, but it wouldn’t sell.

Offered to make me the next big thing if I made less thought-provoking material.

I said I don’t like junk. 

He said my future bank account wouldn’t care.

He gave me a book recommendation on sales and I gave him a recommendation back:

A book on mathematics by a self-taught mathematician.

He said he’d heard of the author.

But he wouldn’t read it because the author didn’t make millions in sales.

I argued that some authors don’t always make millions in sales.

He never got that numbers are an imaginary thing.

He never got me any work but bought me lunch at a fast-food restaurant one time.

Talked about the biggest name in his industry as if they were friends.

I looked them both up on Facebook. They were not friends.

He’s no longer my agent.

Violence in America

Say something, but how?

Do you even know your own voice?
It's yours to make,

If you care about choice.

It's your body,

Your mind.

No!

It isn't even yours.

Get your hands where I can see them,

Off now from the fun of your gun.
You say you're for real,

You're going to do it.

Then you get shot.

Hanging on hooks.

Not reading books.

Caring about looks.

And if an angel was here,

You'd still call miracles a joke.

It's you that's for bloodshed,

You for unequal rights.

If more than,

Or less than.

No common sense.

Revise your thoughts.

Make new advancements.

Keep progressing.

You’ve gotta understand,

You've not been a (hu)man.

Not a preacher,

More of a creature.

We’re all sick and tired,

Of the stuff you've preached.

Cause it doesn't make,

A lick of sense.

Divide and Conquer

Your brand,

What company,

Your identity

How about no?

Big Mac vs. the Whopper
iPhone vs. Android
Democrat vs. Republican

Independent party vs. Everybody

How about we not divide?

The Beatles vs. Led Zeppelin

Playstation vs. PC

Mom 'n' Pop vs. Corporate

Coke vs. Pepsi

Credit Union vs. Bank

How about we use our minds instead of wallets?

That's worth more than the Dollar


Marvel vs. DC
Windows vs. Mac

eBay vs. Amazon

Google vs. Everyone

How about we just enjoy what we have?

Last standing with no armor

Say no to outdo each other,

With these petty things

How about we conquer?

Together

Inner War

What to talk about,

When I've talked about everything already

It's not that I'm alone,

Or that my struggles aren't anybody's business

It's been an adulthood since I felt confident,

In my own place

A place of pain,

A place of heartache,

A roaming inner war

I am home 

How do I express it,

When I've given the same doubts before

It's mine and mine alone,

No smoke or mirrors and no witness

My childhood was interlaced in freedom,

Now I search for it

A place of pain,

A place of heartache,

A roaming inner war

Still a fox and a snake,

Just a reminder of what's there

Fraud

Fake

Faux fortune

All in the lives of mine I've lived,

I've loved and lost and became famous

There is no more to say,

I've said it and it's stuck

What I spoke of is my misfortune

My own

It's been mine though and I'm not selling it,

It's given away to anyone else that has that spirit

One day at a time,

The standard of survival

I'm still here,

Roaming around the battlefield

Looking for a fight

Aged Like Milk

I'm old

An old man

Old Man Dan now

No longer full of spitfire I am?

Nay.

Nap-time in the afternoons, sure

I don't push to become a sprawling success

I didn't work like a dog to become one either

Dogs like naps in the afternoons

Mostly, I feel bad for those that did bark and bite all day

And still didn't get anywhere out of the doghouse or rat-race

Compared to simple animals - barely a brain among them

Hard times to put all that energy into nothing

For a slim to none chance at making the headlines

At least I've seen past the bullshit that is advertising

"American Dream"

"Work Hard Play Hard"

"Do it For the Culture"

"40 Hours a Week"

"Real Men Put in Work"

There's this macho mentality that working til death is a good thing

I guess I'm not 'man enough' to die

Oh wait, I have a penis

I guess I am 'man enough' to tell those people they have no lives to lead anyway

But guess what? I do

I'm nice, just not to those that live as cavemen and Neanderthals

I know what I have to do

I know what I have to feel

I know what I have to take

That power and throw it back at them

And it's because I'm 40 years old

And I'm still mad

I still have anger coursing thru me

It'll never go away

And I still have to deal with everybody and their moron dad

Being idiots in the workplace

I'm not putting up with bullshit

I see old-school values held onto

As if there's really value in traditional

Except hypothetically

And historically

I have to tear it all down and destroy it all

And I have to do it because I have to fight

One man versus everybody

Because I am angry and I am all the time irritated

I don't know anybody that isn't in pain regularly

Yet, all I hear is low-key complaining

As I'm doing right now.

Papa's Blues

I want it all
I want everything
I deserve everything

Nobody has the right to go against me
Or defy me
Nobody.

You piece of shit
You talk too much
You are an emotional child
You are a liar

You are wrong
Always no good
Always wrong!

Family is everything
Trouble calls
And I run to save them
Familia

It's all I have

Without them
They tell me I'm nothing
I believe them

The truth is
I don't believe them though.

I hate them
They keep me down
They all lie
They've kept me down
My entire life
But for some reason I still love them
Truth is
I'm fucked up
Beyond belief
Because of their
Beliefs

They've hurt me
But I can't get away
I'm stuck
I can't get out
Everyone else has lives to lead
Since I never did anything
I'm stuck taking care of the family
That hurt me

I don't deserve this
I don't deserve anything
I don't deserve anybody

I didn't want any of this
I don't want YOU
I don't want anything.

CZ

When I see you
I see myself

That warms my heart
You're me

When I see you
My ancestry took over

So what did you get from her?
I don't know

Maybe you'll get her heart
I'll know this

When I see you care
Show your nurturing self

When you sacrifice
For them

I know you're me

Expect nothing in return
You're her

When I'll know you are her
Is when you get quiet

Not sharing your feelings
Because you know

They'll hurt

Even though we need to
Know the truth

Know we are not all kind

Know we are selfish

Then I'll know
There's hope for you

I hope I see you

Grow

And grow

Spoons

You're beautiful to me

I like your face

I think about you a lot

You're a wonderful woman

I think you're very hot

Let's go see Killer Klowns from Outer Space

It's your favorite horror movie

Because I wanna take you to a midnight screening

You hate flying?

Oh wow cause I love to fly

But either way it doesn't matter

Cause I love you no matter what

You keep me motivated

Can't wait to spend time with you

Spooning of Spoons

Someday a jetpack

I love your humour

100% loyally yours

How much I care

So much more than I let on

I love you

Your laugh is something I always wanna hear

If you are the moon I'm lunar

I wanna touch your rear

Let's talk music, films, music and kiss

All night long

It's your sweetness that I seem to always miss

I see you and I hear a song

You're so sweet

And caring

It's nice to know that you're around

Don't Do What I Did

I pissed away the prime of my life

because I was working for punkass corporations

that didn't care about me

They bought me with trinkets instead of true independence
And I'm angry about it now

More fire than ever

To make it on my own

I'm only working with punks from now on

Independents
I will still work with corporations

But never for corporations

Selling out only on my own terms

I'll be hook and the worms

Contracts signed

I write the book I make the words

No more belief

No more sheep

An independent

Without the herds

Lots more money

I sleep better at night

Because I do it my way

Making value

All of us

Deserve better

All of us

Should feel like royalty

I do this for myself

And I do it for my family

If a schmuck like me can do it

So can you