Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Mythical [Make a Dragon Your Way]

Take an ordinary lizard into your care. 

Personally, I find orange lizard hues to work best and make the best dragon.

Any lizard you find will do the trick though: Green, brown, camouflage, orange.

Take the ordinary lizard and feed it with enlarging potions daily.

  • 1 1/2 ounces of Star of Anise, crushed and fermented with a half liter of vinegar and 5 spoons of blackened Pink Himalayan salt. I find these in the Mediterranean section of most grocery stores. If you cannot find it, there is always the local mom 'n' pop online alchemy shops available to purchase from.
  • A full bucket of whale blubber; sift and rinse thrice.
  • 10 dozen drops lemon essence (or if not available use 1/2 a bushel of lemon zest).
  • 4 cups guacamole, organic.
  • A giant pinch of red chili powder. Be careful of using too much here. You want your dragon to breathe fire onto enemies, not to get indigestion!
  • 20 cloves garlic if you believe vampire dragons to be making a comeback anytime soon.
  • 1 pint of human virgin blood. This counters the acid in the garlic.
  • 2 legs of lamb - still hairy and hooved.
  • 4 bay leaves.
Take all dry ingredients and give the lizard a bath in it with the sunlight fading into the moonlight. If the sun and the moon are visible at the same time, you may do it only once that day. Do not proceed during an eclipse. Give the lizard any of the listed liquids throughout the duration. 

After approximately 26 days and 27 nights, the lizard is now large enough to qualify as 'dragon-sized'. You may now proceed with the rest of the spell.

Do not use shampoo to clean the skin. A lot of folks don't realize that evolving lizards/young dragons are naturally oily and they need it for their scales to shed properly. You may use a light conditioner weekly, if desired. Nothing coconut scented.

Rub an officially recognized beard and balm oil (again nothing coconut scented!) into the scalp of the lizard daily to keep them fresh and smelling good. 

Once their wings start growing, your work is done. Check in regularly to make sure their nails are smoothed out, but generally everything they do is now self-cleaning. Remember to speak in soft tones and never get them mad.

Congratulations! You've made a dragon from scratch.